RELATIONSHIPS

For so many people, intimacy becomes habitual, lacking in vigour and true meaning. We look
to the ancients and new thinking for a way to deepen desire and infuse energy into your

For some, the word tantric is fuelled with images of sexual marathons and increasingly
difficult acrobatics. But, that’s the popularised view of it. It is in fact far more meaningful
than that. Tantra is an ancient philosophy that harnesses what practitioners call the most
powerful life force, sexual energy. Tantra can be a way to renew and inspire true intimacy.
Osho said, ‘Tantra is the science of transforming ordinary lovers into soul mates.’

AWAKENING THE SERPENT

Tantra is indelibly linked to kundalini energy; likened in ancient beliefs to a serpent goddess
lying coiled and waiting to be unlocked through, among other things, selfless acts of love.
Now, that may sound a bit out there and a little creepy, but bear with us because science
does back up the benefits of unlocking this energy. Unlocking this energy has been
described as an expansion of the brain – apparently the dormant spirit uses on 6% of the
brain, while the enlightened spirit makes use of 94% of your brain’s capacity, allowing you
to begin a journey of spiritual transformation and joy. While some believe that in order to
achieve true kundalini awakening, you need to completely abstain from sex, others believe
that the awakening can happen through a deeply intimate connection with your partner.
Humans are able to do a lot on auto-pilot. From driving and cooking to working and even
conversing, we can get on with a lot of everyday activities without being truly present in the
moment. Sex is no different. We often habitually make love in the same position, for the
same amount of time; and it often turns into a goal-orientated activity. This means that
orgasm becomes the sole purpose; release and satisfaction. But if you remove the end goal
from the equation, what you’ll find is that the journey takes on more meaning.

Couple that with the modern tenet of good relationships where just about every
expert insists you need to create time for each other by having a regular ‘date night’. The
thing is life is busy and if you want it to happen, you need to make it happen. Relationship
coach Denise Charles says that our individual needs can and do change as we mature, and
we need to deal with our sexual and emotional baggage as we become exposed to new
knowledge about sex. She says that sexual chemistry isn’t actually always spontaneous and
ubiquitous – in long term relationships, it needs some planning. Just thinking about setting
aside time to be intimate with your partner will create a greater awareness of the need for
intimacy and usher a small frisson of energy into the mix. As American psychiatrist Keith
Ablow says, ‘comfort is all well and good, but it’s just not sexy’.

While a regular date on your calendar marked ‘intimacy’ may smack of old-time
Saturday night specials, it’s a sad reality in today’s modern world that we do tend to put
aside the luxury of time for each other. If it’s not something you’re doing already, take it
slow and introduce the concept into your relationship before launching in to the kundalini
awakening exercises we outline later in this article.

EYES WIDE OPEN

If you’ve ever experienced that eye’s-across-the-room moment with someone then you’ll
understand that gazing into a person’s eyes is actually quite exciting, albeit a little scary
because of the vulnerability it exposes. It’s this type of vulnerability and openness that is
one of the key’s to tantra and unlocking your sexual energy. Completely baring your soul
with someone takes a certain amount of trust, and its trust that builds intimacy.
Try the following exercise in tantric foreplay with your partner:

? In a dimly lit room, sit unclothed, face to face with your partner, legs and arms
wrapped around each other – this is called the yab-yom position.
? Maintain eye contact and begin breathing in sync. As one breathes out, so the other
breathes in.
? Keep this going for as long as possible, concentrating not on the possible stirrings of
passion, but each other’s energy.
Keep it slow. Building toward and being conscious of your deepening desire will pique desire
in women and help control longevity in men. The longer you take to build your sexual
energy, the longer it will last. If your thoughts wander a bit, actively move them back into
the moment to be fully present with your partner. Note that a few giggles are common,
especially when you first try this out as you’re both likely to feel a bit too exposed. Go with
it but try not to give up. It’s not easy to look directly into another’s eyes, even if you have
known them for a long time. However, this exercise is likely to render surprising results,
bringing you back into each other’s presence and attention and paving the way towards
deeper intimacy.

JOURNEY TOGETHER

Building intimacy takes time. It’s definitely not something you can do in short bursts or on
the fly. So, once you’ve diarised your date, get prepared with some fall-back favourites like
candles, freshly laundered bed linen or cushions, flowers and the like. Remove all distracting
clutter from your space and tap into your senses – great scents that arouse sensuality are
jasmine, rose or ylang-ylang. Soft background music you both enjoy will also help you relax
As you begin your journey, consider the following:
Stay in the moment – celebs like Sting, who maintains he engaged in a 36-hour tantric
session, may put pressure on you to perform. But the very premise of Tantra is about being
in the space you are in, without consideration of others or of any goal. All thoughts of
performance need to be set aside – simply allow yourself to relax and fall into the moment
with your partner, and accept what happens next.

Selfless – awakening kundalini is about a selfless act of love. It’s possible that within your
practise of tantra, you may focus too much on it as a means to transcend your own
fulfilment or spiritual awareness; so, it’s important to remain conscious of being with your
partner without expectation or presumption

Beginnings – tantra isn’t a set of rules and actions to be followed, however, desire needs to
exist first to fuel the experience and motivate the practise before action can take place
No end in mind – forget the ‘goal’, tantra is about surrendering yourself and allowing the
practise to flow into a natural course. Its believed that in order to achieve a full body
orgasm, surrender is necessary as that allows the kundalini energy to wind its way up
through your chakras, beginning at the base of the spine, through the genitals, navel, heart,
vocal chords, third eye and finally, your brain

Harmony – tantric foreplay creates harmony; it’s a shallow meditation that allows you to
become immersed in and enjoy each other Spine tingling – during intercourse many people tend to focus only on genital sensations,
this brings your sexual energy down towards your sexual organs; try instead to focus on the
sensation of your kundalini energy rising up through your spine. Go slowly and stop
stimulation when you need to so you can avoid getting to the point of no return

A journey – the process of kundalini awakening is about the journey – enjoying each and
every moment of intimacy, rather than moving toward a goal.

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